


Gift Horses

by Missy



Category: Big Bang Theory
Genre: Community: vacationthon, F/M, Food Poisoning, Horses, Humor, Memories, Outdoor Sex, Riding, Road Trips, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-19
Updated: 2012-09-19
Packaged: 2017-11-14 14:28:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/516192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonard and Penny head off on a road trip that serves as the glue which cements their relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gift Horses

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WhatBecomesOfYou](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatBecomesOfYou/gifts).



> Written for Vacationthon '12 for yoursecretsoul! Hope it's enjoyed!

Penny, Leonard realized as he watched her determinedly shove her last suitcase into the back of the car, tended to travel like someone about to confront an apocalypse. She brought every cream rinse and bottle of shampoo she could manage if she wasn’t being forced to fly; there were tank tops and jeans galore shoved into a case. Leonard had the same set of jeans and the same raft of teeshirts he took with him everyplace; as long as he had a laptop and a wifi connection, he would survive.

“Do you have the map?” she asked, pulling open the door and then strapping herself into the passenger-side seat.

Leonard gave her a big grin. “I’ve memorized the route.”

She stared at him. “I’m gonna go get the map.”

He gently grabbed her right wrist. “I’ve memorized several thousand-digit equations! I think I can get us from here to Nebraska without killing either of us.” 

*** 

Penny was squinting over the engine like a confused tyrant when Leonard spoke up. “I think we need a map.”

Penny stared at the smoking engine of their car as the mechanic worked it over, crossing her arms over her chest. “Do you think they sell them in nowheresvile, Arizona?” 

“It’s Arizona, not the third moon of Hoth,” Leonard smiled. “….Wow, I wish we were on Hoth right now,” he admitted, wiping his sweaty nose against his wrist.

“Honey, can I get some nerd to English translation, please?” she teased him.

“Hoth…Star Wars? Ice planet?” he asked her, only to receive a raised eyebrow. “Just think of it as a giant snowcone,” he sighed.

“You need to show me more of your cute movies,” she says. “The last thing I saw was Black Swan.”

“Did you like it?”

“I was promised a cute ballet movie. I got stabbings.”

Leonard cringed and turned toward the mechanic. “…Mister,” he requested, “is there anyplace around here that sells coffee?”

The mechanic popped up his head and gave her a grin. “Donch’all have one of those fancy GPS doohickeys?”

“He can’t find any WiFi service,” Penny said. 

“I told you I wanted to pack up my portable hot spot, but you needed more room in the trunk for that Rice Krispie Log,” he complained. 

“Don’t blame me! My mom expects me to bring it every time I go,” she replied. “She thinks it’s our ‘special thing’.” Penny’s nose wrinkled and she cringed. 

Leonard cringed too. “My mother’s ‘special thing’ involved me grading my emotions.”

Penny listened patiently, but in the end finally said. “That’s all over. Want to go get some waffles?”

“Sure. I’m so hungry I feel like I’m at a number five!”

*** 

Penny was almost instantly bored. Four minutes later, they sat in the café, the dusty red countertops and old laminated menus speaking of years of frequent use by other travelers. Penny had spread the laminated menu out across the table and was searching for something that didn’t appear to be dredged in lard and deep-fried for an hour, while Leonard seemed to be checking over the ingredients in hot pursuit of his culinary foe, the dairy product.

“The salads are all clear,” he declared. “Going with the garden salad?”

The menu bobbed downward to reveal Penny’s bemused face. “Right past cute into creepy,” Penny declared.

“We eat out four times a week,” he smiled. “And you love fresh food – that’s the only thing that’s not made of Jell-O that’s on the list.”

“Do you want a hamburger? Fries with no salt, pickles on the side?” she wondered. “You aren’t the only one who’s been paying attention.” 

Her expression was as probing as one of Penny’s looks had ever been, and Leonard squirmed under the strength of her gaze. “I didn’t think you cared,” he admitted.

“Honey, I’m not blind.” Leonard simply decided on a small water for himself before Penny ordered a double-thick milkshake. 

“You should have one,” she insisted.

“No milk,” he replied. “No milk and no cheese.”

“You never told me what your deal is with that,” she said, after they’d made their orders with a surly-looking waitress wearing a black pompadour wig. 

“I have sensitivities just like you,” he pointed out. 

“I’m as sensitive as a stampeding bull,” noted Penny lightly. “…Oh God, I sound like my mom already.”

“Did things get crazy after the divorce?” Leonard asked, sympathetically. 

“She turned into someone else,” said Penny. “Somebody I didn’t know.” Automatically, he reached for her hand, which she carefully squeezed. “We’re good now. Just a little weird.”

“Who isn’t weird with their family?” Leonard asked rhetorically. Abruptly, the waitress arrived. 

“Double-chili cheese fries, one large cheeseburger and a bunch of carrot sticks,” Penny ordered.

Leonard raised an eyebrow at her. “Orange juice and a Cinnamon roll.” He closed his menu and handed it to the waitress. “Did you turn into the Bluebonnet Girl while I was using the bathroom?” he asked. The dish she’d chosen was laden with cheese and fat – he didn’t know where Penny put it.

“Buster, I’m hungry, tired, and dusty – I’m gonna eat, and so are you.” She had a wicked smile on her face.

“Penny…what’s going on?”

“Nothing,” she evaded him smoothly. “Just plotting.”

When the cheese fries arrived, he immediately knew her goal. While his breakfast had disappeared quickly, Penny had turned the art of eating cheese fries into a sensual ordeal that had him squirming. The last two she pushed toward him. “All yours.”

He eyeballed them with vague concern. “It looks good….But I don’t know if I want to.”

“Not even for me?” she asked. “Not even for alllllll of this?” she asked teasingly, gesturing toward herself, the plate set before her.

Leonard’s eyes tracked from the tip of the fry to the edge of Penny’s pink lips. Unconsciously licking at his own dry smackers, he reached for the fry. “Oh, why not? I’m on vacation! There’s nothing wrong with going wild.”

“Good. Stuff yourself with something yummy now, ‘cause that’s what I’m planning on doing later.”

They ended up in agony on the floor of a Costco bathroom a few hours later, mutual victims of the overripe cheese. 

It was still, in his scientific and unbiased estimation, totally worth it.

**** 

In the picture Leonard quickly snapped as they crossed the border into Oklahoma, Penny occupied the space between the sky and The World’s Largest Non-Revolving Restaurant like a girl in an Irving Klaw postcard. Sheldon would see the picture while looking over Leonard’s shoulder, later, and remark upon it with disdain. “She might as well be leaping enthusiastically into white space like a Juggie Girl on mescaline.” 

Leonard simply tuned him out. This was Penny, and no one would feel this way about her in this moment – no one else would have the memory behind the picture, of her washed in sunlight, grinning widely and in love with life. In the end, it was one of Leonard’s favorite pictures from their trip, and one that confirmed and reconfirmed his attraction to the waitress.

But it was the way she draped her jacket around his shoulders and worried about his food poisoning that reminded him of the love that lay on the horizon just beyond his lust.

***

Penny came around the side of the old red barn like a vision in white, hat and blanket in hand, prepared to get as far away from her mother as she could manage. The visit was a qualified success so far; her father was as pleased by Leonard as always, but her mother – when she wasn’t stuffing them both with as many grilled animal parts as possible – had taken to critiquing his existence. Penny loved her mother, honestly, but sometimes she needed to take a good, long break from the woman and forge her own path.

Reaching the barn, Penny took one long look at her boyfriend as he faced down the horse before him with stubborn temerity. 

Whatever effect she was trying to make was lost on Leonard. “Okay, boy. I’m gonna ride you.” Leonard clapped his hands together and stared at the horse. “Yep. Git along little…big pony…” The stallion whickered at Leonard, his tail twitching as he swished away a fly. 

“Leonard,” she said softly, “you have to convince the horse you’re boss.”

“I don’t think he’s willing to listen to basic logic,” Leonard declared, watching the horse twitch an ear in his direction. “Or human language…or anything that’s not an apple.”

She rested her hands against her hips. “Honey, it was your idea to take a ride off the property.” She patted the horse’s withers. “You’re just gonna have to take the horse by the cojones and get him to realize you’re his big ticket outside.”

“Gotcha.” He stared at the horse for another moment. “How would I do that?”

Penny sighed and came around the horse, dropping her hand over Leonard’s. Her perfume wafted over him as their hands collided on the pommel. She’d showered recently, and the sun had heated up everything around them. It was as easy for her to command the horse’s attention as it was Leonard’s. 

“Okay,” she said, grinning, finding the reins and leading the stallion forward two steps. “Now take these from my hand.”

When he did, his fingers lingered slightly against her palm. Warmth shot through him, clearly from her expression into her – she gave him a sylphlike smile.

“You know what?”

“What?”

“There’s a little patch of grass by the lake with a big walnut tree. My mom never rides out there anymore…”

“Really?” he grinned. “Really-really? Outside?”

She let go of the reins. “Honey,” she teases him, “don’t waste time.”

He took the reins and watched as she mounted up. His own mounting and dismount were much trickier, but they got there, in their own time.

 

*** 

It’s this Leonard will remember, years from now when Penny’s a semi-successful supporting actress in a crowd-pleasing middlebrow sitcom (“Like Vivian Vance, only snarkier”) and he’s a midgrade scientist with several papers published in prestigious science journals. Penny’s golden head on his arm, and their bodies nude in the hot Nebraska sunlight, dreaming their good times away, the wetness and heat of their lovemaking dewy on their thighs. He’ll remember being in awe of her – a state not unfamiliar to him in the future – and wondering how a guy could get this lucky.

That was two seconds before the horse ate his hat, but the statement still stood the test of time.

THE END


End file.
